Archive for May, 2011
Posted on May 26, 2011 - by Gary Applegary
Admit it, you’ve been wondering. Okay, the back story. It was the 1990′s, and I was heavily into a band named They Might Be Giants. (Still am.) One day, inspiration struck. “What’s the Difference Between Jam and Jelly?” seemed exactly like the type of song that TMBG might record. But first, I had to be accurate. TMBG fans will note that accuracy is key if you listen to songs like “Why Does the Sun Shine?” and its snappy if not correcting followup “Plasma.”
So, I set about getting the details from the Big Three in the peanut butter accompaniment business at the time: Smucker’s, Welch’s, and Bama. For some odd reason, I didn’t save a copy of my letters to them; rest assured they were clever and designed to get some important insider information. Sure enough, the results came back quickly:
I really liked this answer. To me, it seemed, it was just a matter of how much room there was in the jar. Why, if that fruit wasn’t so “jammed together,” it’d be jelly! Just as I suspected. Then more answers started rolling in, jamming my mailbox, ha!
NOW, I was getting somewhere. This seemed to be more precise, more scientific. However, what on earth was I ever going to rhyme with “pectin?” I liked this letter for another reason:
Coupons are ALWAYS good! Though obviously, and inexplicably, I never used it.
Finally, it was time to hear from Welch’s:
Aha! So it must be all about the pureeing! I hope that cleared it up for you, because that’s all the followup I did on the subject. I think I was expecting snappy answers or suggestions that I find better things to do with my time than pester the Pectin Puree Department. Alas, the project ended, I never wrote the song, and I never used the coupons. Although, in all fairness to Smucker’s, they very well may have sent a coupon that I used. Now, did I use it on jelly or on jam? Who can know. Maybe it was marmalade… say… how do you suppose they make THAT stuff? Hmm.
P.S. If I ever hear the song “What’s the Difference Between Jam and Jelly?” I will expect some royalties headed my way. We’re on the honor system here at applegary.com.
Posted on May 23, 2011 - by Gary Applegary
Isn’t it nice to get a letter from .. someone… somewhere? Sometimes, I suppose. Well, here you are, Whoever-You-Are!
I really used to enjoy all the free stationery and pens that hotels used to give you. So much fun to write letters to… well, anywhere. Those were the days, I guess. Did you ever use hotel stationery, or only the little soaps and shampoos? Let me know!
Posted on May 19, 2011 - by Gary Applegary
I’m not quite sure if the moral to this whole story is that a) eating applesauce is good for you, or b) making fun of someone eating applesauce is NOT good for you. At any rate, a couple of letters straightened out the whole deal:
I know, I know… Nobody likes a tattletale! But really, this was more a case of letting the experts handle their expertise. After all, health was at stake! Who’s with me? Okay! Anyways, the nice folks at Musselman’s more or less set the matter straight:
Hey, I just realized that they left it up to ME to set Matthew straight! Well, I’m certainly no Musselman myself, but I guess it’s about time I shared the information with my buddy. Of course, by now, adding more PRUNES to our diets might be a better idea. Yet and still, apples ARE good for you! Hooray! To learn more about apples and having a more fruitful life, read on. And share with YOUR buddies; even if they make fun of you and the way you eat your applesauce with a fork.
Mmmm, applesauce. Hey, chew with your mouth closed! And why are you even chewing? It’s applesauce!