Archive for September, 2010
Posted on September 24, 2010 - by Gary Applegary
Vera Glum
(She's a real Pickle-Puss.)
Vera Glum might even be someone YOU know… Enjoy!
VERA GLUM
Vera Glum was unable to smile.
Through silly, through zany, she’d frown all the while.
***********
You could tickle her, dance with her,
Do all sorts of clowning,
But it just wouldn’t matter,
Vera Glum would be frowning.
***********
It started in her childhood,
No one’s quite sure how.
She was a little Glum then,
She’s a lot more Glum now.
***********
Vera’s permanent scowl
Scared everybody she knew.
So they all had a suggestion
What Vera should do.
***********
You see, they all figured,
Something had to be wrong.
For nobody had ever
Been so surly so long.
***********
They thought maybe a doctor
Could give her a pill.
But Vera WON’T go to doctors
Since they make her ill.
***********
And they rigged up a harness
To hold her upside down
So they’d wind up with a smile
Instead of a frown.
***********
So WHOOSH, up she went
Her blood rushed to her head
There WASN’T a smile,
But her face sure turned red.
***********
They invited her to the circus,
Begged, “Come with us, please!”
But Vera refused; she said
“Sawdust makes me sneeze.”
***********
“I’m allergic to tigers,
Jugglers, and trapezes
Are you trying to turn
My frowns into SNEEZES?”
***********
Then they sent for a clown
In came Uncle Zappy.
He stumbled, he tumbled,
Vera STILL wasn’t happy.
***********
And her friends just kept bugging her,
Until finally…
She came to see ME,
Midas Welby, M.D.
***********
So I put her through tests,
Hooked her up to the scope.
Her laugh-er was healthy.
There HAD to be hope!
***********
I said, “Mrs. Glum…
Vera, if I may,
I will make you smile
There MUST be a way.”
***********
Then I told my best riddles,
I went right to work.
But I ran out of material,
And got not a smirk.
***********
I did gags, puns, and pratfalls,
Like the others had done.
Vera stayed just as stern
As when we’d begun.
***********
Everything had been tried,
That was quite plain to see.
One final thought
Then occurred to me.
***********
You are glum, ‘cause you’re Glum!
Vera Glum, can’t you see?
Let’s make just one change,
And how happy you’ll be!
***********
So I sent for a notary,
Who then changed her name.
And yet STILL Vera Jolley
Scowled just the same.
***********
Well, I’d done all I could.
I’d tried every joke.
I said, Sorry, I’ve failed.
And then suddenly, SHE spoke.
***********
“Young man,” she said,
“I have something to say.
There is nothing to fix!
I LIKE being this way.”
***********
Vera Glum CAN smile,
She CAN laugh. She CAN play.
She just doesn’t want to.
And that’s just OKAY!
***
THE END
Posted on September 23, 2010 - by Gary Applegary
Let’s Visit Metropolis!
That’s right, Home of Superman. For realz!
As it happened, my brother and I were driving back from visiting my late great Grandma Oley in Belleville, Illinois. Darrell was thirsty, and just a tad sleepy. We decided to stop at the next exit for a Super Sized Giant Gulp of Pure Caffiene Cola for Darrell. As we pulled off the exit ramp, I noticed a small Superman logo, and something about the “World’s Largest Superman Statue.”
Somehow, we had missed any signs, and I’m sure there must have been some, that told us we were approaching the town of Metropolis, Illinois. As you will see, they proudly claim Superman as their own. Now, on to the photos!
(Superman theme plays..)
This IS the "World's Largest Superman Statue." Yep.
Hilariously enough, the statue of a clerk at the Big John Supermarket is clearly taller than the "World's Largest Superman Statue."
Advantages: Height. Can bag groceries very quickly. No allergy to Kryptonite. Disadvantage: No real superpowers to speak of. Heat vision easily bores right through him.
(Photo used without the permission of my brother. Sorry, John!)
Now John is using Supe's favorite phone booth?!?!
Superman is NOT amused.
My take: Metropolis is Super-cool. Worth the visit. Bye, now!
Posted on September 23, 2010 - by Gary Applegary
Sept 23, 2010
WHAT on earth has Gary Applegary been up to? I haven’t seen any updates for a little bit here.
Well, (insert lame excuse here) it HAS been a little bit busy; I’ve been writing, but not the sort of thing you’d be interested in. I’ve been writing lengthy appeals to CMS to get medical equipment payment denials reversed, explanations of how patient complaints have been resolved, and letters to patients asking them to allow me to act as their representative in appealing their preauthorization denials. I’ve also been handling medical record requests and insurance audits for the local Durable Medical Equipment provider I work for. No, I am NOT a lawyer. This is busy and tedious work, but rewarding if it actually results in our being able to help someone with their mobility. Speaking of which, let’s move on, shall we?
What can you expect to see on applegary.com VERY SOON?
1) A BRAND NEW STORY! “Vera Glum” will be in ‘Childrens’ Stories’ very soon! I started this story years ago, and it sat unfinished. And sat. More sitting. Etc. Yesterday, while I was sitting and having my regular IV medical treatment (every 8 wks), I had the unfinished draft of “Vera Glum” with me. I looked at it, and thought. And thought. (And sat.) And finally, I wrote! And I finished! According to my wife, and clearly-biased secretary, Anita Fajita, it is “the best story you’ve ever written. My favorite!” Wow! She likes it! I hope you’ll like it too. Watch for it to appear FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 24!
